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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26877811">Deadpool Kills the Coronavirus: Birthday Edition</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SonsOfBeaches99/pseuds/SonsOfBeaches99'>SonsOfBeaches99</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Deadpool (Comics), Deadpool (Movieverse), Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Birthday, This was mostly made for laughter's sake</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 20:08:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,426</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26877811</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SonsOfBeaches99/pseuds/SonsOfBeaches99</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After the events of the last Deadpool fic, he continues his war against COVID 19 in a special brought to you by the Author himself. Plz enjoy.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Deadpool Kills the Coronavirus: Birthday Edition</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Somewhere in the World, October 7th... The year </em>
  <em>
    <strong>2020.</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>A lone wolf howled in the night air as piles of bodies littered on the ground, many of them responsible for the Global Pandemic that we live in as a lone COVID was running away in a hurry, anxious to make his escape while bodies of his brethren continue to pour out blood on the streets.</p><p>There, he desperately tried to escape when he spotted a fellow COVID just standing there blank.</p><p>"HELP! Oh my god, please, we've got to get out of here! That psycho has killed plenty of us-!"</p><p>Suddenly, the COVID he spoke to started to have a small nose bleed... And before he knew it, the corpse fell down with his back just opened up like some kind of dissected pig as he stood back, horrified of the sight he's enduring.</p><p>"Yoo Hoo!"</p><p>The COVID turned around, seeing Deadpool just sitting casually on the blood of his brothers and sisters as he was just holding a pair of katanas in hand.</p><p>"Lost your patties in a bunch? Or are you just haemophobic?"</p><p>"AHHHHH!"</p><p>The COVID began to run away in horror, turning to get inside of a car, only to find a couple of decapitated COVID Heads just sitting comfortably on the dashboard as he started to scream so much more.</p><p>"I mean, that's okay, man. Haemophobia is a real deal, some people are just afraid of blood more than others are."</p><p>"OH MY GOD!"</p><p>He stepped back, trying to run in the other direction when Deadpool jumped up in the air, making a flip as he landed in front of the COVID, making a small growling roar as he jumpscares the COVID in front of him.</p><p>"SHIT!"</p><p>"Yeah, no shit." Deadpool cornered him menacingly. "Now, enough the narration already! Here's the deal; Today is supposed to my Birthday!"</p><p>"...What?!"</p><p>"Aw, you know what? You're right; it's technically the Author's Birthday today, but the point is; October was supposed to be a very <em>special</em> month! And I'm not talking about Halloween, I'm talking about something that was supposed to be incredible!"</p><p>He knelt down, looking at the COVID dead in the eyes.</p><p>"Today... I was supposed to see <em>Wonder Woman... Wonder Woman 1984! </em>In theaters, with popcorn and drinks in my hand, watching her don a shiny Golden Costume that looked like it was rented out of Hawkgirl's personal closet! But instead, you <em>Assholes </em>made Hollywood push the date right into Christmas because of your <em>bullshit!"</em></p><p>"Oh come on, man! It isn't our fault that <em>Tenet </em>and <em>New Mutants </em>flopped at the Box Office!"</p><p>"Is it though?"</p><p>"Hey, we were just made after some Bat spread his germs all over the place in some cave in China! We just wanted to explore the World, as you guys do! We didn't know we'd end up getting a bunch of human beings killed!"</p><p>"Wow, as if you gave an inch of a care in the world!"</p><p>"Well, hey! Why do you care? I mean, you should be thanking us! We got the most hated President of the United States infected with our germs! I thought you'd be grateful for that!"</p><p>"Okay, first off..." Deadpool stood up, pointing at COVID. "I'm Canadian... Secondly; That does not excuse the fact that we have to wait a whole year for <em>Black Widow </em>to come out into theaters!"</p><p>"What, seriously?! I thought you were doing this because of Wonder Woman!"</p><p>"The point is, you, along with some other douchebag racist cops and idiots who may and probably just recently caused Global Warming to happen, have made 2020 a very, very <em>shit</em> year! So now I have to vent all my anger onto you, because well, aside from the fact that this writer isn't even <em>trying </em>to post Transformers Animated Season 6 on a weekly basis, I have a feeling we're gonna have all the time in the world!"</p><p>"Jesus Christ, what is it with you Humans anyway? I mean, especially with that outfit you're wearing, what are you doing with that anyway?"</p><p>"Uh..." Wade pointed at his Suit. "Hello? This is <em>the</em> signature outfit that I wear to work every day! What's your problem."</p><p>"Well... It's just... Well..."</p><p>"Well, <em>what?"</em></p><p>"Well... Have you considered you look like Spider-Man wearing that?"</p><p>Deadpool gasped loudly, planting his hands on his face. "Oh... Now you've done it, <em>shitbird!" </em>He dropped the guns and katanas, only to get out a flamethrower that was fueled ready to go. "This one's for Chadwick, you COVID bastard!"</p><p>"What the fuck?! He died of Cancer, Assho-AAAAAAAAHHHHH!"</p><p>The COVID screamed as Deadpool let out the fire, burning him alive as he started running around, desperate to remove the flames-!</p><p>"Ah, okay, that's enough narrating, alright? People can get the picture." He started to face you, the audience. "Hi! Hope everyone's having a nice day, despite just sitting everyone just sitting on our asses, no offense! Uh, in case you haven't noticed, today is SonsOfBeaches99's Birthday today! How nice, right? The guy just turned 21 today! 21 years old, my god! He's practically old enough to drink now! Unless he's living in Europe, of course. I hear the age limit to drink alcohol is at age 18, which is weird considering that the US has its limits to 21. God, I'm so lucky I'm Canadian, you know? I mean, yeah, we actually drink at 18, in places like Alberta, Manitoba, and Quebec, and then at 19, the same goes for the rest of the country, but hey! Let's not a big deal out of it because who gives a Rat's Fuck about drinking ages, right?</p><p>The COVID started dying out as he fell to the ground, engulfed in the fire-!</p><p>"Alright, seriously, enough! Alright, this One-Shot is currently about to end now, so quit it! I'm gonna make the morning announcements for you, so everybody listen up! So, you know back in 2018, he tried juggling Spider-Man and Transformers when they were still ongoing at the time? Well, this time, he's going to do it again, with Wolverine and Transformers Animated Season 6..." He started tilted his head as you continued to read his last paragraph. "Oh... I'm sorry, did the Writer not type that out correctly? I said he's going to Juggle Wolverine and Transformers all at once! Get it? W-O-L-V-E-R-I-N-E! Yellow Spandex looking X-Men Character? Tight ass, claws sticking out of his fists? Yeah, you probably get it already, so in case you haven't noticed; he just posted a Wolverine Fanfic while you guys were reading this One-Shot. That's right, he started a Wolverine Fanfic right behind you, and you didn't even know it, did you? Now, seriously, if you're interested in reading Wolvie, feel free to check it out! And don't forget to also check out some of his Transformers Fanfics along with Spider-Man, who speaking of which, I should tell ya; the Friendly Neighborhood Fanfic you guys may have read about? It's in the same fictional Universe as Wolverine's, so-!"</p><p>
  <strong>Okay, Wade, we're wasting time here, and I gotta start writing the fourth Episode for TFA Season 6. Can we please wrap this up?</strong>
</p><p>"Uh... Sure! Sure, we can wrap this up for sure! Just one more thing..."</p><p>
  <strong>*Sighs* What is it?</strong>
</p><p>"Well... You don't think I could, by any chance, appear in Wolverine Season 1, could I? I mean, you only had me show up in Spider-Man Season 1 for at least, one Episode, <em>The Screwball Episode</em>, which is 1x17, I think... And I think that since you have a Good Thing going on, maybe you could, well... Include me in some of your works some time? Just not appear in some random Cameo perhaps?</p><p>
  <strong>*Sighs*... I'll think about it.</strong>
</p><p>"Great! Now, can we also talk about whenever you're gonna write my <em>own </em>show? Because I meant what I said back in Spider-Man-!"</p><p>
  <strong>Okay, we're done now.</strong>
</p><p>"FUCK!" He turned to you, the audience with pure desperation. "Please! Please, convince him to let me have my own Show! You know you would love it, I can already read the Arousal on your faces!"</p><p>
  <strong>Hope you enjoyed the One-Shot, feel free to leave a Review/Comment down at the bottom of the screen.</strong>
</p><p>"Admit it! You dirty Bastards <em>know </em>you want it!"</p><p>
  <strong>Hope everyone has a nice day, and I'll see you guys next time.</strong>
</p><p>"AHHH! FUCK YOU, YOU TEASING FUCK! AFTER ALL THE THINGS I DID FOR YOU, I HOPE YOU HAVE THE WORST BIRTHDAY EVER, YOU FUCKING FUCK, FUCKITY, MOTHERFUCKER-!"</p><p>
  <strong>PEACE!</strong>
</p><p>"FUCK YO......."</p>
  </div></div>
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